Monday, June 30, 2008

Big Tuna


"I'll have a tall Pike's Redeye, please."
"Okay." Then the young barista asks "Will there be anything else?"
"Yeah. Whatever this guy wants."
She turns her attention to my friend. "For you, sir?"
I absentmindedly scanned the store while the order was placed. I turned back to the barista when I heard her say, "May I have your name, please?" A sharpie was poised over the paper cup.
A pregnant pause later and my friend responds, "Bob."
I don't know any "Bob".
The barista looks incredulous. She laughs, "Are you sure?"
"Yup. Bob."
"Wow. You just lied to the poor girl," I say.
"What do you mean?"
"Your name's not 'Bob'."
Laughter. "I guarantee you that when they call out 'Bob' that I'll know who they're talking about."
Right then I was wishing that there was another 'Bob' in Starbucks.
After writing 'Bob' on the cup she said "I've had worse than that. Last week a guy came in and told me his name was 'Tuna'."
"No way," I replied.
"Yup. Tuna. I couldn't believe it."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Seriously?" He was THAT guy?"
By "that guy" I mean arrogant and full of themselves. She knew what I meant.
"Yeah, he was.
"Wow." I paused for a moment. "Could you throw 'Tuna' back?"
The barsita snorted and then burst out laughing.
"Was he too small?"
And laughing.
"I mean, seriously. I would have said "So, are you 'Dolphin safe', there 'Tuna?"
More laughing. A lot of laughing.
"I wish I had used those!"
"Feel free to use them whenever you'd like."
"Oh, I will. Thanks a lot."
A few moments later "Bob' had his drink in hand. As we sat down at a small table he chuckled and said, "I could have thought of that joke too, you know, if I didn't just get up an hour ago."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. You've been up for what, three hours?"
"Yeah."
"See? Your brain is firing on all cylinders because you're awake already. I'm not there yet so I couldn't think of anything funny to say."
"If that's true then you've been sleeping since 1985."
Badum-bum!
And this was my Saturday morning. Bringing laughter to Starbucks baristas and tired friends everywhere.

4 Comments:

Blogger Fox In Detox said...

Does "Bob's" name begin with a "V"...
I can't believe they let you guys wander around in public...and at Star F---s no less. I hate Star F---s.

9:02 AM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger Murph said...

Funny. 'V' was my guess, too.

So, was 'Tuna' really supposed to be the Big Tuna? And if you are blogging now about brushes with fame, it may be time to write about the day we met Miss New Hampshire and George Steinbrenner. ;)

9:30 AM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger Bridget said...

Funny I was going to say the same thing...I guessed it was V from the moment your friend said Bob! How droll. :-D

11:20 AM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger Cynthia said...

In Spanish the word 'tuna' used as a flavor for ice or ice cream means 'prickly pear'.

Make of that what you will.

7:59 PM, July 07, 2008  

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