Great Expectations

The twilight sky was resplendent as a cool breeze followed me across the Yard. Moments earlier, my professor had returned our mid-term papers to the class, complete with his written comments for each. I received a "B" on my paper.

The darkening sky matched my mood.

While I have yet to read the comments that accompany my grade my thoughts whirled as I second-guess my paper. Where did I go wrong? Was I not clear enough? Did I miss a citation or two? Did I not transition well enough between paragraphs? Too many questions and no time to find the answers. I will have them once I sit down on the train, though.

We only have two papers to turn in for this class - the midterm and the final. All week long I was nervous about this paper because I have yet to receive a grade in this class and I have no idea how the professor grades a paper or what his expectations are when he reads a paper. Logically I know that this class is harder then others I have taken previously and I should not have great expectations of getting an "A" right out of the gate. Illogically, that was my expectation.

After riding a short while on the red line with my classmate Justin (a smart, smart man who received an "A" on his paper and is deservedly pleased) he disembarks at Central and I take the time to read the comments on my paper. In the end, Professor Donoghue feels that my topic sentence was a bit too broad and he wishes that I had narrowed the scope a bit more. However, he likes my work. Still, I wish I had done better.

When I was in college for the first time (in 1983) I would have been ecstatic with a "B". Heck, I would have been beyond happy with this grade in high school. Now, not so much. While my time at NEU was not always as intellectually stimulating as I would have preferred (thanks, on-line classes) I was proud of the "A"'s that I received in my English courses both on my tests and for my final grades. Now I am taking classes at Harvard precisely because I wanted to be challenged more. My bachelor's degree - when it finally arrives - needs to be worth something; to me, anyway. I have to know that I worked for my grades and learned something in the process. I simply have to.

Thanks to the sage advice of people close to me, I realize that a "B" in a class at Harvard is worth an "A" anywhere else. Also, I was reminded that this is a graduate-level course that is also available to undergraduates like me and it should be more difficult. Finally, this is my very first class at Harvard and, according to a fellow Harvard student, a "B" on my first paper is excellent. Most importantly, all involved told me they were proud of me.

So, for today, I will be happy with a "B".

Tomorrow I'll be going for the "A".