Tuesday, January 25, 2011

So...Where Were We?

Many of you (okay...one of you) actually noticed that I hadn't posted anything in awhile. I believe the exact text was "You no bloggy; me no likey."
This made me smile.
Another friend asked why I hadn't actually posted anything since September and my mumbled response was something like "I haven't felt like it" before I changed the subject. Like ignoring my blog, I didn't feel like sharing my thoughts on the topic because, really, what can I say?
I haven't felt like it.
Sadly, this is pretty accurate.
After Mark's death I had so much to deal with on my own that the idea of sitting down and sharing my thoughts with others really seemed like an indulgence that I didn't wish to spend time doing. In this case, my thoughts have been my own and I truly didn't feel like sharing them. I now realize that this has spilled over into areas of my life that I didn't expect - like blogging.
There are times that I have wanted to share some of the wonderful experiences of the latter half of 2010 with you. However, I have not wanted to share any of the negative experiences on this space. Somehow I felt this was dishonest so, instead, I have shared nothing.
Truthfully, the loss of my brother has been an undercurrent to everything that has gone on in my life since June 30th. It has colored (tainted?) the way that I have experienced nearly everything for the past 7 months. There are times when the hurt makes a simple experience even more meaningful and awesome. Sadly, there are times when an experience that should simply be a joyous one is also tinged with melancholy. And this is to be expected. After all, I have experienced loss before (we all have) and I do know that this too shall pass. It's just taking its sweet-ass time doing so.
I have been writing this post for minutes now and I still don't know where it is going...
I guess I just wanted to give all seven of my readers a head's-up to let you know that yes, I am still alive but that - at least since June 30 - I really haven't felt like talking about my life.
Yet, rest assured; this too shall pass.