Monday, October 31, 2005

Show Me the Funny!

Every once in awhile, I have to just sit back, relax and laugh out loud at the biting sarcasm of a complete stranger.
This is one of those times: Become a Republican
Enjoy! And remember, it not a logical viewpoint if the opinion comes from someone who HATES AMERICA!

Summer Ryan Doyle Made Me Cry

As frequent readers (all 7 of you) of this blog will recall, Summer was the winner for the first "Who is This?" contest. As part of this prestigious award package Summer was going to receive a blog entry all her own entitled "Summer Ryan Doyle Made Me Cry."
And it's true - Summer Ryan Doyle made me cry.
When we were involved in the final auditions for The Six Fifty-Seven Dan Kammer decided that he was going to run "the cast" (or what we thought would be the cast) through an improvisational acting exercise. He wanted each of them to imagine that the show has run for seven years and that this is the final episode. He gave each of the actors a "hook" that they were to incorporate into their performance. All went at this with great gusto.
First up was "Bobbi" (Lee Canali) who informed us that she was pregnant and was going to move in with her boyfriend and she would soon be leaving the morning commute. This lead to "Jenn" (Alecia Batson) informing the morning crew that she had fallen in love with a representative from an African Nation who had come in to her class to lecture. She decided that we was giving up teaching and moving to Africa to be "Mrs. Mumtumabumbwe" (or something like that) and she asked "Tim" (David Grant Beck) to take care of "Mr.Sil" who would not be allowed to travel with her. This is when "Jack" (Anthony Doherty) said that he had good news and bad news. The good news was that some of his art had sold for alot of money. "Liz" replied "Gee Jack, I didn't think your mother had that kind of money".
This made me laugh.
Then "Jack" said, "The bad news is that I've been offered a spot in a gallery in NY and I'm moving there next week".
As Jack was congratulated by Jenn and Tim I watched in fascination as Liz's (the aforementioned Summer Ryan Doyle) heart broke as she heard the news that Jack, the man she had fallen in love with over their seven years together, was leaving her.
And my heart broke along with hers.
What would she do?
I didn't know.
But Summer knew.
From the moment Jack had made his fateful proclamation Summer knew how Liz would react to this news. Summer was so in tune with this scene, with this one moment in Liz' life where she had to open herself to someone that she allowed Liz's heart to shatter into a million pieces before she gathered them up again and made her fateful decision regarding Jack.
And I bought into it completely. I didn't know what was going to happen next...but I wanted to know. No, that's wrong. I needed to know the ending to this story.
It was at this moment that I completely forgot that I was watching actors auditioning for parts in a sitcom that I had created. Instead I became an audience member, watching as Liz tried to come to grips with this news and somewhere, somehow, reach inside herself to try to come up with the words that she would say next. What would she do now? Would she let him go? Would she confess her true feelings for the slacker she had grown to love? Liz heart was broken and I was verklempt at the heartbreak; which is just a manly way of saying "I cried like a little girl".
And this is just one of the many reasons that I constantly refer to the entire cast as "Ridiculously Talented".
Because Summer Ryan Doyle made me cry.

Friday, October 28, 2005

A Cornucopia of Stuff

It's been a busy day at Improbable Headquarters.
First, the bad news:
Seriously?? Students can't celebrate Halloween because it offends the "religious beliefs" of some families? Can someone explain this to me? I need to know what religion is so uptight that it cannot see past its own nose. Seriously.
So, if I am offended by, say, Thanksgiving because it celebrates the massacre of the Native American population in North America and I get enough parents together to bitch about it can I make an entire school system come to school on the Friday after Thanksgiving?
Where do we draw the line, people?
You would think that school adminstrators would have better ways to spend their time. Like, by keeping a closer eye on THIS guy:
The world of entertainment brought this little tidbit:
Now I'm sure that there are some good jokes here, "To boldly go where other men have gone before" and whatnot but the truth is, good for him. I'm sorry that he waited so long (that has to be a unique form of Hell) and I'm glad that he finally is able to be completely honest with himself.
Now my personal Entertainment plugs of the week.
If you are not watching the following shows then you are missing out on some excellent, quality hours of well-written programming:
also, if you have not yet checked out "Firefly" on DVD then what are you waiting for???
Finally, in the "Future Must-See-TV" Category come this little gem:
Make sure that you check out the links on the site to catch any upcoming appearances for any one of the ridiculously talanted cast members. Alecia, Anthony, David, Leah and Summer deserve all of the support that you can throw their way.
I don't use the term "Ridiculously Talented" lightly, after all...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

New Poll: Majority of Americans are Idiots

CBS News conducted a poll to get the public's views on Evolution / Creationism. Here are the results:
Allow me to summarize the results here. The majority of Americans believe that God created human beings in their present form within the last 10,000 years.
This poll was conducted among a nationwide random sample of 808 adults by the Easter Bunny, interviewed by telephone October 3-5, 2005. The error due to sampling for results based on the entire sample could be plus or minus four percentage points due to the fact that Santa's elves like to drink spiked egg nog while they tabulate the poll results and ogle at cheescake shots of the Tooth Fairy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Let's Play a Game - Part 2

Tension was high (2 whole comments, after all) after I threw down the challenge to all of you to tell me "Who IS this??"
My friend Cynthia threw out the name Courtney Cox. An excellent guess. Both woman are seriously emaciated and if Courtney chopped off all her hair in a pique of anger ("I hate BRAD for what he did to Rachel - I mean, Jennifer! Ooh, I'm so mad I could just cut off all my hair with these sheep shearers!") then she could certainly look like this.
But it's not Courtney Cox. And Cindy does not receive Blog Fame.
That dubious distinction goes to Summer Ryan Doyle, who accurately (and INSANELY quickly) identified our mysterious bag lady as none other than actress LORI PETTY (seen here circa 1990 - and it still is a lousy picture).
That's right - Lori Petty. Who as you may recall, starred in such notable films as "A League of Their Own" (1992) as Kit Keller or in "Tank Girl" (1995) as, well, Tank Girl. Ms. Petty has gone on to be cast in a slew of B-level thrillers including "Countdown" (1996), "The Arrangement" (1999), "Firetrap", and "Route 666" (both 2001). After stepping into the director's chair and pulling double duty both in front of and behind the camera on 2001's "Horrible Accident", Petty rocked her heart out in search of a record contract in the 2003 musical drama "Prey for Rock & Roll".
Ms. Petty (which is just fun to say. Kinda like "Ms. Take") just celebrated a birthday. She turned 42 on October 14. Her birthday wish as she blew out her candles was "Please give me my career back".
For her swift reply and her command of all things trivial we honor Summer Ryan Doyle by acknowledging that she is a Master of Trivia and proclaim to all that read this blog that, at least for right now, Summer is the master to beat at "Who IS This??"
Summer will be honored with a lovely plaque (not really) and will be the sole subject of a future blog posting entitled "Summer Ryan Doyle Made Me Cry" (really).

Monday, October 17, 2005

Let's Play a Game

This game came about because I did a Google search and through a long series of webpages found THIS picture.
This game is called "Who IS this??" The object of "Who IS This??" is to be the first to correctly identify the person in the picture.
Look at the picture to your left. Not for too long though or you'll lose an eye. I mean it; don't look directly at it for too long or you'll go blind. The first time I was told to stop something or else I would go blind I decided to keep doing it just until I needed glasses. But I digress...
I was appalled to see this photo. I mean, really. What actress (egads - a clue!) lets herself be seen this way? Yet if "Ally McBeal thin" is your thing then you probably still can't decide what turns you on more - her grossly protruding collar bone or her sunken, hollow chest or her near complete lack of eyebrows.
This woman (?) was a famous something or other at one time in her life. Now, sadly, she has decided that life should be spent as an anorexic bag-lady. Or, she has decided to sell all of her worldly possessions, quit her job as "Fry Girl" and follow in Margot Kidder's sad, lonely footsteps.
Now to the game: The first person to send me a "comment" that correctly identifies her will be rewarded with the gift of Blog Fame and be publicly acknowledged here as a true connoisseur of all things trivial.
Let the games begin!

Friday, October 14, 2005


This has no useful or social value:
Yet, it rocks.
Bunnies are crafty and clearly very depressed.
*please note that no bunnies were actually harmed in the creation of this blog post. Furthermore, if I was going to harm a bunny (which I'm NOT) I would never actually tell the whole world about it on a blog. I mean, why would I kill a bunny anyway? It's not like I'm Glenn Close or anything...who deserved to get whacked after doing what she did to that poor bunny in "Fatal Attraction".
**Please note that Glenn Close was not harmed in the creation of the above written note. Her career acually skyrocketed after her psycho turn as Alex Forrest, whose line "Bring the dog, I love animals... I'm a great cook." took on a whole new meaning by the time she boiled the poor kid's rabbit.

Monday, October 10, 2005

40 is the new 30

My friend Dave says that "Forty is the NEW thirty" and I think he's right. I've been 40 for one week now and I certainly feel and act younger than my own father did at 40. Although, to be fair, Dad was old when he was twelve; it just took his body awhile to catch up with his mindset.
Oh, don't scowl at me. Dad agrees with me and in fact loves to tell people that I've always said he was born old. I think he does it because he likes to make check-out girls giggle...
This build up to 40 has been an interesting one. I think a lot of people expected that turning 40 would bother me. It apparently has bothered or will bother alot of people. I am amused at being 40, simply because I don't mind being 40.
At all.
And this attitude has bothered people.
I think that I was supposed to be upset, thinking about the fact that half of my life has (probably) arrived and that its a downward trek from here. Yet, if this is the mid-point, then I will indulge myself in looking around from up here and see what I can see of my life from this angle. From up here I can honestly say
  • I loved growing up on a dead-end dirt road in Bryantville. Every kid should be so lucky.
  • My family was very "Leave It to Beaver" - everyone that knew our family wanted to be us.
  • It was all a lie.
  • Mom was the best cook ever.
  • My Dad was a "Dad" - but without the neat den and sweater collection.
  • I love my brother and sister but we couldn't be more different from each other at all.
  • The highlight of my acting career was playing Harold Hill in "The Music Man" in the sixth grade.
  • I hated Junior High School and wouldn't relive those two years for anything.
  • High School was great - for reasons to be explained later.
  • I started working as a bundle boy at Stop & Shop when I was 16 and left 13 years later as a manager. I am so glad they laid me off.
  • I hated Massaoit Community College but loved being on the newspaper staff.
  • My Mom died when I was 19 - and I still miss her.
  • Laurie Powers kept me sane for 2.5 years after Mom was gone and I will never forget that.
  • Dad made alot of bad decisions after Mom died and for awhile (a long while) I followed in his footsteps. No longer.
  • I once lived with 3 women.
  • Stan and Nancy Ford gave me a home when I didn't have one and I love them for that.
  • So did Mr. Edlund.
  • Pam gave me a wedding, a separation, my daughter and a divorce (in this order, in less than a year) and I wouldn't change a bit of it. She is a great friend.
  • I have had a handful of romantic relationships. Most of them good, some of them horrible, all of them worth remembering.
I have the best friends in the known universe. I have known the following people since I was in Elementary school / Junior High:
  • George Withers (since age 2)
  • Greg Murphy
  • Victor Johnson
  • Nick Edlund
  • Jim Peterson (no relation, same homeroom in 7th grade)
  • Stan Ford
I owe my High School sanity (and long afterwards) to all of them. "The Crew" as we were known, was a collection of individuals with interests as varied as our personalities and that set us apart from the cookie-cutter cliques of the High School hallways. We were the best of friends and, by and large, we still are.
Ben has moved on to Hollywood fame ("The Tick", anyone?) so we stay in touch infrequently and Stan moved to NH and has his own life now. There were many other friends in High School (too many to list here) and I am in touch with a surprising amount of them. However, Greg, Nick, Jim, Vic and George are the very best friends that I have ever had. Or ever will have. We have laughed together, cried together, drunk together, fought together, buried loved ones (too many), welcomed our wives and children into the fold and in short have done everything that a family does but without the familial obligations to do so.
I am a much better man for knowing all of them and I truly love them all.
My daughter is a blessing in my life. She was the first person in my adult life to make me want to be a better man.
Katie Arnold was the second person to do so.
Katie believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She kissed me on my birthday in 1999 and we've been together ever since. She has shown me a world that I never knew existed by sharing her world with me. Together we have seen the world (parts of it, anyway) and I learn something new because of her almost every single day. When I married her I married my best friend. She is a great person and a fantastic step-mother (a role she never envisioned for herself but one that she excels in). She is funny, intelligent, creative, stubborn, supportive, dynamic, and she loves me. Go figure... :-)
Because of Katie I went back to college. There I met my friend and writing partner Toni Meehan - who makes me laugh more than anyone else does on a daily basis. Toni is a truly talented writer and an exceptional person. She has helped me to be a better writer and without her The Six Fifty-Seven would not exist. Thank you, Toni.
Since I met Katie I have met a second group of life friends. They are, in no particular order, Janet, Hootie, Marj, Dave ("The Sock"), John Amend, Steve (& Christine!), John Rolfe (& Kristen), Mark, Hanna, Tony, and James Behn. I have seen many parts of Italy with most of these people. My relationship with them is different than with "the guys" but no less important. I was the newcomer to their group and they welcomed me with open arms and all of them bring something to the table that I respect and admire. Again, I love them all. My life would not be complete without them.
If you are still reading this thank you for indulging me. This reminiscing has gone on longer than I expected but it only re-enforces what I have been saying all along about being 40 - my life has never been better than it is right this very moment.
Thank you all.